8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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