Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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