sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize