Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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