I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize