If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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