I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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