god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize