Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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