I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize