I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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