you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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