The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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