I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize