also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize