My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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