that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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