i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize