dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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