Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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