I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize