Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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