i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize