I wish my penis had an off switch
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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