I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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