i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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