omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize