yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize