Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
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Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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