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Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
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