What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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