I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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