my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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