She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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