I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize