Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize