I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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