i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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