he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize