New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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