i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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