I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Bring me that man meat
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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