we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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