well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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