It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize