i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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