I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize