at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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