I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize