her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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